L’hiver au Québec, c’est une blague

Brrr Pub HydroQuebec Montreal QuebecVoici l’histoire vraie comptée par un français qui s’est installé au Québec l’année dernière:

- 12 août: Nous venons d’aménager dans notre nouvelle maison à Québec. C’est très beau ici. Les montagnes sont si majestueuses. J’ai très hâte de les voir recouvertes de neige.

- 14 octobre: Québec est le plus bel endroit au monde. Les feuilles des arbres ont pris toutes les teintes possibles de rouge et d’orange. Nous sommes allés nous promener en montagne et nous avons vu des chevreuils. Quelles créatures gracieuses! Ce sont certainement les plus beaux animaux de la création. Cet endroit est un paradis. Je l’adore!

- 4 novembre: La saison de la chasse au chevreuil commence bientôt. Je ne peux pas croire qu’on puisse en vouloir à un si bel animal. J’espère qu’il neigera bientôt. J’aime tellement le Québec.

- 12 décembre: Il a neigé hier soir. Nous nous sommes réveillés ce matin pour découvrir que tout était devenu blanc. On dirait une carte postale. Nous sommes sortis et nous avons déneigé les marches de l’entrée. Nous avons fait un combat de boules de neige (j’ai gagné) et quand la charrue est passée nous avons dû déneiger l’entrée à nouveau. Quel bel endroit. J’adore le Québec.

- 18 décembre: Encore de la neige hier soir. C’est merveilleux! la charrue nous a encore fait sa petite farce dans l’entrée. J’aime tellement le Québec.

- 19 décembre: Encore de neige hier soir. Je n’ai pas pu sortir de ma cour pour aller travailler. Je suis épuisé de pelleter. Crisse de charrue.

- 21 décembre: Il est encore tombé de la marde blanche hier soir. J’ai des ampoules plein les mains à force de pelleter. Je crois que le gars de la charrue se cache au coin de la rue et attends que j’aie fini de pelleter. Le calice de chien…

- 25 décembre: Joyeux sacrement de Noël! Encore de la tabarnac de neige. Si jamais je mets la main sur le calice de chien qui conduit la charrue, j’m'en vais y faire faire un hostie de boutte sur les coudes. Je ne comprends pas pourquoi y mettent pas plus de calcium sur le route pour faire fondre la crisse de glace.

- 27 décembre: Encore de la marde blanche hier soir. Ça fait trois jours qu’on n’est pas sortis sauf pour pelleter la tabarnac d’entrée à chaque fois que le calice de sale passe avec son hostie de charrue. On peut pas aller nulle part, le char est pris dans une montagne de calvaire de marde blanche. Le gars de la météo dit qu’y va tomber encore 10 pouces à soir.

- 28 décembre: Le criss d’innocent de la météo s’est trompé. On a eu 24 pouces de la calice de marde blanche. Si ça continue comme ça, ça ne sera pas fondu avant le mois d’août. La charrue est restée prise dans le banc de neige sur la route et l’hostie d’écoeurant qui la conduit est venu frapper chez nous pour demander s’il pouvait emprunter ma pelle! Après lui avoir dit que j’avais déjà passé au travers de six pelles pour pelleter toute la marde qu’il m’avait poussé dans l’entrée. J’y ai cassé la septième sur la crisse de tête.

- 30 décembre: On a fini par sortir de la maison aujourd’hui. On est allé au magasin pour acheter de quoi manger et en revenant un calice de chevreuil s’est braqué devant le char et je l’ai frappé. J’ai pour 5000.00$ de dommages. Crisse de chevreuils. Comment ça se fait que les hosties de chasseurs ne les ont pas tous tués au mois de novembre.

- 01 mai: J’ai emmené l’auto au garage en ville. Y’a toujours ben des crisses de limites. Le tabarnac de char est tout rouillé à cause de l’hostie de calcium qu’ils mettent partout sur les chemins.

- 30 mai: On a déménagé en Floride. J’peux pas comprendre qu’il y a du monde assez innocent pour vouloir vivre dans un crisse d’enfer comme le Québec.







350 Responses to “L’hiver au Québec, c’est une blague”


  1. 1 Christian Aubry Jan 31st, 2007 at 14:04

    Et moi, La Joke, j’peux pas comprendre que tu ne cites pas tes sources ! Sans rancune, mais bon.

  2. 2 Ze Canada Jan 31st, 2007 at 15:00

    Habituellement, je cite mes sources. ça fait partie de la nétiquette. Dans ce cas, j’ai reçu cette joke par courrier électronique l’année dernière. Je ne connais pas le créateur de cett blague. Si tu l’as, je mets le lien immédiatement ;)

  3. 3 thojucle Feb 3rd, 2007 at 17:36

    Salut ! je suis plié de rire…cette histoire me fait toujours aussi….(elle est connue chez nous) rigoler ! Je suis français (en France), et pour tout ceux que le Quebec interresse ici, on la raconte souvent…et elle est vrai ! Je suis ton blog régulierement : ne change rien ! Je vais faire surement un “post-quebec” prochainement sur mon blog….puis t’emprunter cette histoire ? a+

  4. 4 Ze Canada Feb 3rd, 2007 at 22:03

    @thojucle: merci pour tes bons commentaires. C’est vrai qu’elle est extrêmenent connue cette blague. Pour tout dire, on me l’avait envoyé pour la première fois en 2002 ou 2003. Quand un ami me l’a renvoyé l’année dernière, je me suis dit qu’il fallait la garder de côté pour le blog que j’allais faire.

  5. 5 thojucle Feb 18th, 2007 at 19:05

    salut, bon ben, c’est fait…. http://duglobeaublog.canalblog.com/
    laisse un com….si tu veux….çà fera plaisir….

  6. 6 Ze Canada Feb 18th, 2007 at 21:26

    @Thojucle: Merci de m’avoir indiqué ton article. J’ai pris grand plaisir à le lire.

  7. 7 Gwenola Mar 19th, 2008 at 16:31

    Démasqué par l’emploi du mot “charrue”.. Je peux vous certifier que l’auteur n’est pas français… ou alors qu’il vit à Montréal :)

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